i really need to change my blog. im not even THE undilluted vanity anymore. wow, i grew up. im more than that na. or maybe i just lost it.
ho-hum, oh well.
still have to change it. (no time and energy, though.)
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
happy birthday to the bear and the giraffe
tomorrow's february, meaning i havent had a haircut for 3 months already. that's A QUARTER OF A YEAR ALREADY!
i know im trying to 'grow' my hair, therefore i am not entitled to any complaint..but, its gotten so weird.
...
i gave nica a set of mood bands (thin satin headbands in different colors) and im starting to believe that that's the best idea ive had in months! its from "bayo". wala lang. its so perfect. we can wear a single band on our head, or we can wear all our moods. designated moods are as follows:
hot pink - super pacute (e.g. normal days)
yellow - pacute na hindi pahalata, but pacute nonetheless
light pink - pagirly
red - normal head band, not thaaat pacute.
black - not halata headband.
moss green - healthy and mahilig sa nature (wtf!)
light blue - religous (wtf x2!)
light gold - posh and elegance
dark brown - bad mood
thick white headband - for reporting use
maroon (given by bam) - nica3 mode and macci1 mode.
so if i feel religous and healthy and pacute but im in a bad mood, i can arange all four colors on my head. all except for the reporting head band. its for business and business alone. you know how business is... you're not supposed to let moods get in the way. biro mo may meaning!
nicurrr!! im so happy you love it!!!!
...
new pics on pao's multiply! yehey. well ive actually loaded lots of pics, but well, dahan dahan lng. ill post the rest publicly next week. paosshole.multiply
see, i fix his multiply more than he does.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
WHORE!
(ano un in tagalog? thats you.)
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
sniff sniff.
im sick. literally. figuratively.
im so sick and unhealthy.
im so sick and disgusted.
im sooo sick. i want to cry. i want to kill. im so sick im shivering.
i know im emoing all over again.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
addiction; sickness; whatever
i think im getting addicted to my bf. 0_o.
ahihihi.. so cute.
oohhkay. i cant see a thing, but i think the pic is nice.
...
im sick. :( its all because i bought skittles for 40php from a place near school and i wont share it with my friends. and thats after a tear-jerking heart-to-heart swearing eternal friendship with them. yan. ang damot ko kasi. now i can barely utter two sentences without feeling my throat being ripped off my neck.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
PAOLO IS SO FUNNY
(vintage post. posted on june 2007)
here is how paolo writes to me in the pc. examples lng yan ah!:
"anyway, kaninang afternoon i went to the petshop just for the heck of it, but a blue fish caught my eye. its like love at first sight! i mean, it shouldnt be real.. it must be a dream i thought, as i looked at the glass barrier that seperated us.. and what really got my attention was the price -_- it was only 15 pesos! s0o i bought 2 blue fishies and then i left.. END OF STORY O_O on the way home i also bought my mom pizza w/c was really the whole reason of going to the palengke.. i dont like that place.. O_O "
"yehai agree orcs should all go to hell,, LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT AN ORC IS ... TO ME AH! baka maoffend kayo!
EHRM EHRM an orc is almost a squatter.. well IT IS! pero orc is more BAON SA LUPA like snatchers, mambobosos, mga PEOPLE WITH UGLY UGLY FACES WHO THINK THEY ARE GORGEOUS! omg! go to hell cut of your head!... kljasjdsajd anyway tapos orcs are also ugly people who are just ugly because they make themselves ugly by JUST BEING UGLY AND STUPID AND BASTOS haha ALSO UGLY,, i hate ugly people i mean.. i dont hate ugly people who are nice and friendly.. but ugly people who arent decent and think they pass the level of not being squatter-ish...
i dont get my post above.. BSTA I DONT LIKE "ORCS" or however you would call them.. I CALL THEM POLLUTION TO THE PHILIPPINES "
wahahahahahhahahhaha!! :)) i love you! we're going to hell together, arent we? :* hope not.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
i love you so much i wish you havent left me because it feels like hell without you
(late entry)
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, I LOST MY KENNETH COLE WATCH!!! WAAAAHHH!! MY BABY!!!
CRY CRY WAIL WAIL SOB SOB WHIMPER WHINE CRY!
my baby. sniff. i can remember the first time i saw it. i ws at serendre with nica and geno, but they both had to go, so i had to go on alone. you know how i am at malls. pretending i have the money, asking as if i have the intention of buying every item that tickles my fancy.
well, i went in the high-end shop, not really expecting to find anything. i just wanted to test my "im-a-rich-rich-girl" powers, AND I SAW IT. GENUINE LEATHER, CROC SKIN, SHINY (but not patent), BLACK, SILVER, UNGIRLY, CLASSIC WATCH! PERFECTION IN A GLASS CASE! it screams "breakfast at tifanny" (audrey hepburn's croc skin pumps), manly watches, and it screams ME! and i had to demand the guy to take it out and i can still remember getting stunned and semi-hyperventilating. my goodness! i even asked if other stores wherever had stock of it.
and it goes with every single thing in my closet!
but, halllooouuu.. i can not afford it. and i thought id live my life without it. and i just wanna cry right now.
(i can soooo feel like crying right now. seriously. i just reaallly want to cry. my heart is hurting like hell! :( im not overreacting. )
when i got it on my 18th birthday, i was at cafe breton (my fave crepe place) which just made the gift hand over so much special, i was extatic. my mom found it, via my description and nagging(and the price).
OH MY GOOODD IM CRYING!!
...
(10 mins later, or something)
updates:
1. GOSSIP GIRL FEVER!!
2. geno called last night and gave me the(unreasonable) excuse why he's been MIA a lot this week
3. i love paolo, flirt or non-flirt
....
i knooow i promised to write some bubbly happy cutesy petty enjoyable post since the last one, but i just cant get around to it. it just inevitable after two such verities which are: (1) i do not have time and story to tell; and (2) im not THHHAAAT happy anymore, anyways. well, dont worry. i feel better. lots. and i think i know why im so fucking emo anyways, which is a progress too.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
im so happy im happy. im actually rubbing it on! woohooo!! go happyness!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
happy
im so happy im producing a happy glow that may as well as affact anyone of atleast 5 meter radius around me. im so happy that i fully love everyone in sight.
marina will finally stop accusing me of emo-ing, i will no longer require an ipod in school, i can finally walk in class GENUINELY smiling just as i did a year ago. i can finally talk to someone like a decent human being, i probably even am willing to talk to strangers or new found friends.
ive never felt this exagerated level of happiness for months. genuine, true, pricelss. oh my god, i feel so good.
i cant stop smiling to myself.
happy happy joy joy.
...
shhh.. not to be disturbed. i'll be watching gossip girl all night. perfect.
...
i start the trivial everyday posts tomorrow.! yippee!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
OH COMEON PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MAGSULAT NAMAN KAYO SA TAGBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
tidbits of emo-ness
there's a looot of gray space between being happy and sad, and that gray space is usually ignored if not forgotten.
its a bit stupid, trying to categorize people if they are the happy type or the sad type. i mean, its rather easy. but once you really look at it, you actually put everyon on the sad list and only those you dont know very well make it on the happy list.
...
"there's no big thing but the little things" - vanilla sky
...
why cant i just see you for the loser that you really are? oh, wait. yeaaah.. i actually do. mwah ;*
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
last entry to ramblings of an irrate insomniac
helloo world.
id be studying theo in a while, but i just have to say how happy happy happy i am. (omg, sudden mood changes, i must be crazy! oh well, everyone goes through a rollercoaster of emotions in a day).
i hate people who claim they have insomnia when they dont. i mean, fine, some people really have a hard time sleeping but not all the time. or maybe, these people actually have it, and its just that im suffering a severe case.
anyhoos.. tossing and turning begone. im finally starting on my treatment. so this means, THIS will be my last entry on the subject (if the medication works. let's hope so, i know you're all bore with the irrate ramblings of a fairly dull insomniac).
hydrozyzine dilychloride is such a looong scietific-y name that id bet its the cure for some newly discovered illness. i am supposed to take a tablet for 5 nights before i sleep, but i told the pharmacis that i needed 8. she saw that my prescription indicates 5 tablets and gave me an accusing, discouraging look. well, what does she know. she knows im desparate, ive availed more or less 3 packs of sleepasil (doesnt work) from her in the past 6 months.
yadayadayadayada...
i miss sobs.
got to see paolo today. yehey! after two agonizing dayw of overreacting like some desperate groupie.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
happiness and the "where's the old me" entry
originally, i wanted to write another depressing entry about how where the old me is. yadayadayada
then, i watched gossip girl, cried a little, and i can not believe it!
how had i let this happen??? let myself get this 'depressed' (not clinically as stated in past entry). i mean it's a thursday!!! why am i at home when i could be out somewhere with any somebody!??!
clearly, i've gone strange. i mean ok, im going back to the "where is the old me" that i wanted to write about in the first place.
compared to me now, me then was a total "party girl". i mean im not a real real party girl then, but as julia would say: "comparatively". macci version 2006 was a really noisy noisy girl. she just couldn't shut the hell up. but she was sssooo fun. she makes friends, she makes plans, and she doesn't bum at home if she could help it. butt now, given the decision whether to crawl back in my bed and have my quasi-monthy haircut, the bed would be the more obvious victor.
i mean, the world isnt 'highschool'. highschool isnt actuaallly reality. especially the ones on tv (maybe just a little). so happiness is fully available for anyone as long as you want it and get out of your way to find it. not stay in bed all day, or continue futile attempts in converting dvds for ipod player. or blogging.
yup, happiness is going to the mall and watching sweeney todd before anyone in class spoils it tomorrow.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
ish
............ #$^^#$#%%!!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
irritating
i feel so drained of energy right now, but i just have to get this off my chest:
my heart breaks every single time you leave, maski na kukuha ka lng ng tubig, and now you seem to leave a lot. you can go on this long withou talking to me, without bothering. fine, maybe you do try, but you're not hurt at all. and i feel like lost everytime. cheezy, i know, but well you can be cheesy all you want when you're this sad.
ganto ba talaga to??
you're the only one who keeps me sane, but you're drifting. and you dont care. where are you?
i hate myself. im so clingy, i know. kadiri. before i entered this relationship, i swore to god and all my fashion skills that i will never be clingy, not even if you want me to be (which you do). look at me now, though... i stick like a leech.
i dont want to go on like this. my principles are royally messed up. they were gradually altered into this sort of disgusting mentality that girls in love alone develop. basta, its soo bad. i dont like it. and i dont think anybody else does too for that matter. i think its called pestering
i should stop bothering you. i have to get used to this.
graaaabbeeeee... please stop na.
im depressed. hopefully not clinically depressed, there's just something so appaling with being crazy. (why do i effing have to put that in!?)
i just want to sleep.
p.s. ang oa ko.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
2.02 am
you must never regret. dwelling in the past a.) is very unfashionable, b.) has no advantages to speak of.
just like me and this (fucking) insomnia. i mean, whats the use of crying over this. (pucha! think about the time wated, and the energy im not getting!) i mean, i didn't choose this, did i? contrary to popular beliefs, or probably just my mom's, i didn't want to be insomniac. i didn't train my eyes to keep theselves open this time of the night.
1.58 am, and its relatively early, considering i got to sleep at past 4 yesterday. atleast im not crying, no need to part my hair on the opposite direction to hide my 'eye'. whatever.
...
i just watched "the breakfast club". I LOVEEEEDDD ITT!!!!! i love those kind of movies. i hate these kinds of books though... 1980s highschool setting. it's so stereotypical, which made the movie charming, but would make any book sooo suck.
the moral? we're allll the same. every single one of us. not fundamentally equal theologically speaking, mind you. but saammee!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
rihanna
i miss "long" hair so much. and by long, i mean shoulder length.
anyhoos.. look at our girl rihanna. (in a wig and a pretty yet an itsy bitsy not too conservative dress)
image from allure online. ive always known she was pretty, but this just shocked the hekk off me. and her nose isnt flaring up the way it usually does.
she's currently sporting the locks ive had 3 months ago (before it grew to this weird awkward stage).
...
i reaaalllyy have to do my prelim plate on ad design. and stop sulking to my misery.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
insomnia (AGAIN!)
2.41am.
im finally going to the doctor on thursday.
this is quite a relief since ive spent most of my life crying at 2am in the morning because i cant sleep and im so tired. im tired of the day and im tired of being tired.
im tired of being awake at 2am and tired of crying.
gawwddd,, you know how tired all those being tired makes me??
im hoping it pushes through. ive been through this alllllll my life. ive been promised the appointment more than 5 times already since i had the guts to complain. ive been insomniac ever since the day i realized i have to get some sleep.
i dont know why im one, though. maybe because i think too much. maybe because im so smart. hahahaha.
maybe because im just not normal. and you cant have everything can you. this is probably the only TRUE quirk i have that i dont even have to develop. i just am.
i used to think of this as a benefit. i mean, i get to have 20 hours of working time instead of the usual 16 hours that normal people have. but take it this way: normal people have 16hours of awakeness, good memory, high energy, and dandyness while i get 20 hours of unproductivity, crankiness, and eyebags i'll never be able to get rid off. i mean, these undereye baggage are already 18 years in the making. i cant expect them to go away in a month.
grabe. im tired. pero i dont want to sleep with swollen eyes. i just have to sulk a little more until my eyes turn normal. otherwise, i have to suffer 20hours of an uneven pair of eyes. (thats what happen when i sleep after i just cried. stupid decision.)
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
mock trend report : ins, outs, and overs of 2007
here are the major social trends of previous year
(in macci's little own words. reference: her self and her tiny teeny social circle, which will definetely not benefit anybody beyond it, as it is totally madeup and futile in so much aspect)
1. nailpolosh
2. HAIRCUTS (DEFINETELY!)
3. go-nuts planners
4. makeup
5. divi trips
6. emo days, turned into emo week, turned into emo month, turned into emo season, and will probably turn out into one wonderful, colorful year of pointless emo-ing
7. cuddles
8. debuts!
9. pasahan ng crush on hot person #1 (who is completely oblivious of who he is)
10. the law of attracion
11. students unintentionally turning into dean's lister
12. cramming (it will be eternally be a trend)
13. heart to hearts
14. bitchmodes, tears, fucking dramas
15. break ups
16. hook ups (the one is eternally interconnected with the latter trend)
17. stress
18. koreanovelas
19. quartos
20. globe's unlimited texting (therefore turning suncellular nearly obsolete)
21. comfort over fashion, but fashion nonetheless
22. blogging
23. beaches, outings, out of towns
24. malling
25. bookwormings
26. love, love, love, love
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
here there, everywhere
if im lucky ill get to sleep tonight.
...
for a while, ive been calling paolo "buttercup". dont ask why, i might end up in tears.
...
after a quarter of a year, i think ive never felt better about you. I deserve it. i very much do.
...
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
cliche cliche
i am currently writing in a notepad, because the drive is alive but the internet connection isnt.
let me tell you waht writing really is about. i believe that writing for public purposes, which blogging kind of is, is a battle against cliches. seriously. the more cliche something sounds,commonly heard, last season,-- the more we find it untrue.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
honestly (welcome 2008)
ive tried everything and im still unable to rip/convert/transfer dvd files to my ipod. ive tried everything. ive downloaded more or less eight executable programs, but to no avail. the only video i have in my ipod are the stupid ones from youtube. and we know that thats not what im looking for in the first place.
i am in love with my ipod. im not in love with music, i dont think i ever was. even if bonnie bailey makes me feel as if im on high, amy winehouse is my preacher, lily allen and mika are my friends.
...
i do believe that im in my own body's national state of emergency. seriously. im getting gloomy. im getting to conscious of myself, of my environment. i hate this, being constantly on guard. as if im scared of an attack, or scared of unconsciously making an attack. often scared of making people hate me. offending anyone.
let's be honest. im feeling miserable. no two-thousand worth of songs from my ipod can save me, though i used to believe that it would. i mean the ipod would alianate me, even for just a moment, from the real real world.
i havent written any happy post for the longest time. im trying to change myself. its been a whole year. i often aim for that fucking change. and what do i get? my social skills are down to zero, i lost friends, i am no longer able to fix relationships that needs to be fixing.
fuck. save me.
everyone's feeling the same, i guess. alone. even people who's friends with everyone, people who're so nice that the world wont let them be alone, they feel alone too. pano pa kaya ako. i no longer make friends unlike the highschool macci who's got the guts and skill to make friends with whoever she wish.
ive changed a lot, haven't i. or maybe i havent. im still as much as a social loser as i was before.
im stressed. my skin is gray and has gone soo bad. my eyebags literally look like teabags. texture, hue and size -wise.
i dont know why im as miserable as i am today. maybe 2008 is gonna suck.
an awful lot of things happened in 2007. good things, bad things, lots of things. the half of the year was a verry good one. its actually the best. and im constantly fearing that that may be the best i could possibly get.
ever since that "law of attraction" bolalooey, ive stopped writing about the things i feared. i stopped writing about the bad things, hoping that i'll forget it. you know what i see now, people should look at the positive side of everything but there's no use in denying the negative.
look at yours truly: i focus on anything positive about myself, i acknowledge my faults more than often, but i never deny it. putangina, hindi ako ever nagpakasanto for anyone. even under the fucking social duress that ive been fucking getting, I KNOW MY FAULTS AND ADMIT IT.
and this, this is how i feel. how i honestly feel. and i feel very relieved to get it out of my system even if the outlet ive chosen lets the world see how much of a miser i am.
i try to live in the facade of a semi-perfect life. no one's perfect. and in those misfits we ought to find sense. yadayadayada. there imperfections none the less.
...
p.s. my gawwwd people. dont take me to seriously.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
boyfriends are like planners.
need i explian?
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
