kaartehan
as much as i want red nails, or black nails, or pink, or orange or green.. well i cant have any. you see, as a cfad student, our nails are subjected to different kinds of staining products, most of which are paint.
amp! if i were in law or journ, i would have red nails all the time. :(
well, if thats the price you pay to get in the wonderful world of beato, then so be it. i mean, i do have red toenails. that must count.
...
i went to the palengke a while ago. let me get this straight, MY MOM LITERALLY DRAGGED ME IN THE PALENGKE A WHILE AGO. i begged to stay in the car, even if it'll take an hour or so.. but no... i just had to go.
how do people do it? seriously. WHY AND HOW DID I GROW UP TO BE THIS ARTE! promise! i wasnt born like this. i was born gusgusin and mabantot like the rest of the population.
when i got home, i could still LITERALLY FEEL the stench on my skin.
i dont understand it. paolo goes to the palengke and he doesnt complain like i do. some or most of my friends probably do to.
this just make me feel depressed. BUT IM NOT GOING BACK IF I COULD HELP IT.
p.s. THERE ARE COCKROACHES EVERYWHERE. i mean i have them in my room too.. rodents even. but on food that people are selling, that's just more than wrong!
...
i went to a photoshoot. smile. ahihiihihi
...
its soo hard to do your plates on a sunday. especially in the morning. family butting in and all. plus all the distractions and shit.
I JUST WANT TO GET ON WITH MY PLATE. ... Oh, oops. i meant I JUST WANT TO START ALREADY WITH MY PLATE!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
i did not exactly lie. i just misinterpreted it. i am soo not 90 pounds. i though i was and i was so happy.. no more forceful eating for me...but nooooo. i didnt really gain 7 pounds! i lost 3! long gone the 83 prounds i had on myself. brace yourself, turns out, im 80 fucking pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is not healthy. sniff.
...
have so much to write. but not in the mood.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
to teta, who reads my blog
hi teta, dahil binabasa mo pala blog ko, here's an open letter.
i love you teta.
sorri kung ang jologz ng clap natin na hindi cool. ...ay hindi pala, meron pala taung appear na may choreography.
sayang nawala ung survey natin. grabe! asan na ba un!??? gusto ko un ipost sa blog e! with questions like:
(fragments of conducted survey as of july 25 2007)
hi we are teta and macci and jihan....please cooperate.
* spell your NICKNAME in three languages.
* do you like me? []yes
* in life, write?
* in monopoly, where are you there?
* spell lemon.
* there are 3 principles in life. enumerate 5 of the 3 principles.
* what is your relationship with your mother? []single []in a relationship
[]domestic partner []complicated []just looking around
* roses are red, violets are blue? how many pecks of pickled pepper did peter piper pick? she shore?
* choose between the following. []black []red []green []maroon []perriwinkle []both []others
aaahh.. madami pa un e. nakalimutan ko lang.
miss you teta. i love your kidney. im proud of your miguel heart to heart magic!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
i jusst soo wish you learn to react like a normal person.
weird, ampotcha. lagi nalang weird.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
stupid florals
i super duper hate flowers. promise. ugh. they make me want to vommit.
it's pretty ironic since people think im such a girly girl (despite the short hair, and 10-year-old boy body, though). i hate girly stuff.
im not a great fan of pink or baby blue or "lavander". i just wear them when the circumstance says so and to prove that i can make it work. but most importantly, i hate florals.
i dont mind receiving them, mind you. i'll never go out with a guy who never gives out flowers. oi, nagpaparinig. wink wink.
i avoid hearts, butterflies and the such as well. but i dont hate them as much. im just really unimpressed with cutesy cute stuff. i cant stand people SERIOUSLY STATING THAT IM PACUTE. i loathe pacute people just as well. i dont care just how much of a little girl (umm..or boy) i look. i will not indulge in cutesyness.
...but the flowers? oh freakin hell!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
on everything now.
i feel better.
here's how i used to feel. i felt burdened with everything, which is really really really weird, because im not really part of any problem. problems i had, i conducted it on my own. and it involves me primarily. wow, grabe... conceited.
i felt unneeded by anyone. i felt unmissed, i felt unseen, i felt unimportant. i felt that i have no right to feel this way, because some has the greater right to feel worse. I SUPER FELT LEFT OUT... (oh, but we've already established and figured that out. remedied it too, even.) i felt alone. i felt drifting. i felt unchanged, unlike everybody else.
i know that something wrong was in the air. emo week. emo month more like it. i wanted to solve everything, i wanted to remain calm and for a while i used to feel that i must remain indifferent, that i have to be normal, just to give out the "aura" that there isn't anything wrong with us.
indifferent made me think "go lang ng go".... let everything be. the thing is, most things like these are either solved by time, or left by time. i guess we all just expected time to solve it for us. that would be fool-proof and effortless. in our own minds, we acknowledged the wrongness. but no one would dare blurt it out, bacause blurting it all out means saying the right words. how would we know if we had the right words for it.
...
KADIRI. I CRIED! eeewww,,, weak weak weak! you know i hate crying, dont you? i personally think im papansin enough without it. i sooo do not need the extra attention. well, it did turn out for the better didn't it?
a few modifications here and there, like me not annoyingly butting in like a total loser and annoyingly whispering in everyone's presence like a spaz and blunting my tounge out in terms of major major major tactlessness and pretty much cursing.
my goodness, with all those "macci-ness" of me going around, im betting id be graduating without friends. last na to promise: tang ina naman. :( sad face.
...
atleast, im getting the jeans. :) happy face.
...
yup, new jeans, with my new found bestfriend, pipao.
...
pipao, who is totally pretty. way prettier than me, unfortunately.
...
he doesnt need makeup to be pretty. :( i do.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
the big question
what is the perfect outdoor activity that
a.) allows me to dress up
b.) allows me not to spend too much
c.) is enjoyable
d.) is productive (academic wise)
e.) is not mandatory
f.) will take my mind off my vices.
?? is there any!?
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
addiction.
"Addiction has a a specific definition: you are unable to stop when you want to, despite [being] aware of the adverse consequences. It permeates your life; you spend more time satisfying [your craving]"
-Dr. Nora Volkow, Director, U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse
"Addiction is not just about substances. Addiction is about disrupting the processing pleasure; the balance point is shifted so you keep creating more and more urges, and you keep wanting more and more."
-Dr. Martin Paulus, Professor of Psychiatry, University of California, San Diego
"...It persists even with the knowledge of negative health and social consequences."
-Scott Lukas, Mclean Hospital
"Atleast 1 in 20 Americans is a compulsive shopper, according to Stanford University study. The addiction affects bothe gender equally. Cultural factors, like advertising's emphasis on the happiness the product can bring, are thought to fuel addictive buying."
"Like compulsive gambling, Internet addiction is thought to be as an impulse-control disorder that can disrupt social relationships. There is agreement as to whether it should be formally considered a disorder. Though substance abusers strive for abstinence, an Internet addict's goal is often to attain moderation."
-Time Magazine, July 23,2007
...
put two and two together. what have we got?
shopaholic's such a pretty pretty term, but i dont think its very healthy. at some point, its distuptive and annoying. it's also overrated postively, which isnt necessarily good.
how highschool! shopaholic does not fucking mean cool. it MAY mean insecure, though. or superficial, most probably.
this is why im fashion fasting. i know that i've already reached the point when i can not stop spending. im still in it now, but atleast i know ive a problem. this is the reason why im broke too. im currently in debt. i owe jihan 50php and lester 80php and bombee 30php. I KNOW THOSE ARE SMALL AMOUNTS BUT IVE NEVER OWED ANYONE ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY EVER!
...
i wish i were doing my plate instead of blogging though. i resolved to exert more energy and effort in plate making rather than blogging. the thing is, i spend, 2 hours a day chatting people up. and 0 hours on my plate.
...
I THINK ILL BE GETTING THE BOYFRIEND JEANS FROM MANGO THOUGH! ayippee! depends on the circumstances.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
hair
so i cut my hair days ago... and i found several not so bad pics from the past few days.
i swear they're better in real life, though unphotogenic they may be. fixable, that is though. and i lovee playing with it. so this is how being a guy feels like!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
self-discipline
as i am such a freakish loser who migh give in to what i see, i read coconuter's blog. he's right. whatever happens, if there's a will, there's a way... we'll survive.
i wish i could write a little better, that is so not how i wated to express my sentiments, but that's that.
...
i caved in. wala pa ngang august e, and ive already broken my promise to myself. yep. both of them. i cut my hair, you all know that.. I ALSO WENT SHOPPING. amp. and i feel bad about it. :(
sana i spent on something better, otherwise, sana i didnt nalang spend at all. i dont know why i cant help it but i cant.
shopping list:
1. falsies and glue
2. bright bs
3. HOT HEELS!
4. THAT nice white shirt
the fashion fasting DID kinda work. i now know what i really want and i understand the true meaning of quality!
its better to fast on cheap items of clothing and splurge on a good investment, rather than buy useless stuff. quality over quantity.
clothes arent everything.
...
my hair's nice. i discovered the magical powers of watsons's ultimate hold matte finish styling clay. my hero.
...
there are matters which are better not enclosed here. most people know about it, but id rather shut the fucking hell up. i dont want to be rude and nosy, but i want to show that i care.
the drama.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
coconuter
is this guy cute OR WHAT???? OR WHAT OR WHAT OR WHAT???
damn hot, no doubt about it. buuut there's more to him than being a hot fil-am guy whoo writeess sooo good. GRAABE.
biruin mo, im actually happy for someone!
chuvaness says:
"David is a basically a Fil-Am who chose to leave a promising life and US education in search of the Simple Life. He ended up somewhere in Zambales where he stays at a relative's barong-barong, does the cooking, laundry and raises chicken."
link here coconuter.blogspot.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
diofnybriouweyhrhcnbdjkg
my hair is so weird. i reallly dont know whether to hate it or love it. the truth: its not skinny. its like volume on top, and none below. where did my hope to have a fatter face go? noww my face is as long as ever. amp. but the hair's cute.
im going crazy.
i might get a haircut on september again... i'll call it, repair.
ughh.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
honest ol me
happy birthday ma!
i cant remember spending so much on a gift for you. i kinda saved up and brought her a liz claiborne charm bracelet (with the help of my sisters, doubtlessly). its pretty. and YOU MUST LOVE IT. i know that its the thought that counts, but really, you must give me credit for trying.
...
i dont know why i think i might be engraving the ideas to your head that my life is semi-perfect. but I MIGHT BE. YOU MIGHT BE thinking that i have such a wonderful life and shit. ofcourse, i love my life... love what you're given. god gave you all this crappy friends and crappy family and crappy boyfriend for a reason. but seriously, im faaaaaarrr from semi-perfect. and a lot further from perfect, of course.
1. im not THAT pretty. and we know it. it takes like years for people to think that i am. i have to convince you that I AM for you to think so. otherwise, ill forever look as plane and usual as your average skinny, pandak, morena girls. i just make up for it through enough class, sophistication, and BUSILAK NA KALOOBAN.
2. i am not rich. dirtpoor dirtpoor. i cant afford the stuff im buying. really. im just making yabang the stuff i bought for my mom, and the other stuff i bought or will be buying. but i can BARELY AFFORD IT. i have noo idea when i started i can buy expensive stuff. its clearly out of the line, but i keep on doing it. even if im in 'fashion fasting' mode.
3. lets see, im not PERFECTLY MEAN! there are sooomee times that i am kind of nice. I JUST KEEP ON THINKING THAT IM MEAN, EVEN IF IM NOT REALLY. seriously, jihan would know. i know that we're both not mean, but we think that we are... so there you go. you all think we're freaky little bitches because that's how we view ourselves.
4. im not, like, so smart. i just speak reaaally good. i mean, in terms of what i know, i talk like i know more, but actually, that's everything. other added infos are probably just made up, just to make you think i know more. yup yup. i do that.
let me all clue you in some wisdom ive gotten from reading chic lits, which would and will help you become yourself.
"we are what we pretend to be." -kurt vonnegut. from sloppy firsts by megan mccafferty. the concept is finding the PERFECT BALANCE between what's real and the supposed role you want to play. that certain role, the longer you play it, the better you become at playing and acting it out.
confidence is key. or if you dont have it, maybe "kakapalang ng mukha" would do just as good. its different, i swear.
ggaawwdd im honest! maybe ill hate ALL OF YOU FOR KNOWING TOO MUCH. you fucking little bitches, you. i super havvee no idea why im telling you guys my deep dark psychological secrets.
p.s. what's a PRO to do again? i cant believe i ever wanted this job. IM SUCH A SLOB!
p.p.s. dont impeach me yet.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
no comment.
new hair. im not "paffy" anymore.
no comment.
but I THINK I LOVE IT.
and i can play with it a lot! plus minimal care. there's still care and styling everyday though.. but not toooooo much. the back kinda sucks though. hell whatevs!
i think i love it.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
i was thisclose to getting a haircut a few hours ago. if jake from menage had been there, i would've had it. sighhh. im going crazy. :( i guess i WILL HAVE MY HAIRCUT... hmmm.. maybe tomorrow.
so i wasnt able to get the shoes. obviously, im not getting it. its too pretty to stay put.
sigggh.. i super dont know who to trust with my hair. so, i ended up keeping this big ol puffy hair of mine. and its getting a wee bit too long. :(
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
WHEN MY MOM GETS HOME, IM GONNA BEG TIL I MOOCH OF A THOUSAND BUCKS! IM GETTING THE FRIGGIN SHOESS!!
its haunting me like crazy. :(
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
tricky!
so here's the plan. im going to grow my hair really long.. or "rather long", then im going to chop it off GRADUALLY! til i find the perfect salon!
im crazy, aint i? this must really mean i do not have a life, focusing all my attention on my locks. how can i be so vain?? with all the work i have to do, its a wonder where i get the time to pamper myself up.
...
i want to cry. i found these pretty much perfect pair of shoes last last week... and im still thinking about it. will i or wont i buy it. :( i CAN WEAR IT WITH ANYTHING! its a little too modern though, but its still in range with my 'personal style'.. and i seriously dont mind spending 999php on shoes like these. :(
and i HAVE TO LEARN TO WALK IN HEELS!
i like paolo's chucks. wink wink.
its just so currently perfect. BUUUT ive forgotten if its really comfy or not. MAYBE I'LL GET IT LATER. maybe.
hmmmm what's more important, the building of my self-discipline or the perfect pair of shoes? tricky tricky tricky.
p.s. the last pair of shoes ive fallen in love with... it costs pretty much the same but ive only worn it an average of four times. :(
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
haircut
ive realized something via previous post.
seating arangement
girls want to have short hair. guys want their hair long. other than jihan, our hair are all shorter than the most of the guys.
teta would say, "ironic". (def. boys and girls)
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
pics pics pics
i am so sluggish today.
very.
ive been dazing on and off all day, not finishing anything. i cant even write. so, im just going to post pictures of previous events and try to remedy this.
...
block stuff
honey's day
aina's
supposed transformer with the guys and girls
warehouse party
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
its a long process, being nice and prim and proper... and im not giving up. PERO EWAN. MY INSIDES ARE CHURNING, AND BOILING. and this is the only outlet. and id be saying "fuck" an awful lot more.. even if i dont really want to.
i wasnt cut out to be nice!!! my insides cant take it. nababd3p lang ako... and naweiweirduhan sa sarili ko. bat ko kasi sinanay na i can just act and talk tactlessly e.. yan tuloy. shutting the hell up is a chore. doing chores are punishment. being a peacemaker is a job.
aaahhh!! i dont want to be plastic. especially not to myself. but safmosngu ib bfjnsiyuihwjk idy ysdf.
p.s. please just pardon the sudden outbursts. im currenly just going insane.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
im sorry i ever involved the fishies. :( paolo's favorite fish died. it's a funny story actually. someone opened the door a little too brutally and the fish was so shocked he banged his head on the glass and died. dont laugh. its a very sad story.
...
it's 11.20 and i want to sleep. but being the good daughter than i am, ill be running some chores. :( i wanna rest already!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
overload
it's been what? a little less than a week? bat ba ganyan ka!? shet naman o.
EDI HUWAG. NAKAKABATRIP! i dont want to keep on asking for your attention. i just want to stop needing you to be in a good mood and personal peace.
I ALWAYS MAKE THE EFFORT. FUCKING FUCKING ALWAYS. id be happy it if pays off. im the one who endures that fuckingly annoying high pitched JOLOGZ "shori, the number you have dialed...." 20 times in 5 mins more than several times a day. YOU DONT EVEN CALL. im the one pa who calls your house AND YOU NEVER CALL HERE!
I WAITED FOR 2 HOURS INFRONT OF YOU BUILDING JUST TO EAT WITH YOU. you never came. you prooomissed. and your "sorrys" are just so dull, mediocre, and effortless. you dont even care!!!
i went pa to drop by for a hug, and you never call after. AS IN 1AM NG MADALING ARAW! FINE LIVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS! MAGBONDING KAYO. PARA KAYONG MGA BABAE. MAGINUMAN KAYO. MATUTO KA MAGYOSI. IBUDBOD MO MATA MO SA DOTA MO OR PORN NIYO OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT TAKES YOUR TIME.
i dont want to involve anything like this, but, magsama kayo ng mga fishies mo. you care about them more than you do me. edi sila lambing lambingin mo!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
anti girl
its the first time in my existence ever that i wish i were born a guy for a reason other than be my dad's son.
i want to be a guy so that my life would be laidback and fuzz free. no more need to be the uptight little miss for me. id live on jeans, chucks, flipflops, shirts and polos and sneakers. ahhh comfort. and gym bags, backpacks, and messenger bags and watches here and there. id be a lot healthier and there would be no need to be pretty for anyone to notice me. all you need is presence and personality.
hindi na ko mababastos ever. PUTANGFUCKINGINA! I FUCKING SUPER HATE PERVERTS IN MANILA! well, all perverts i hate. they make my life miserable. i just want to die right now. putang ina naman.
i want to be a guy so that id be less emotional. i want to be physically stronger. I HATE BEING EMOTIONAL. i hate tears, i hate the drama, i hate the highschoolness of anything. i hate pale pink, i hate flowers, i hate ribbons. why cant we girls just pull each other's hair and get it over with? why think of the wittiest silliest yet most insulting words?
id be more involved if i were a guy. i would seriously be less vain. id probably be some superficial morena liking dude, who just wants the pretty girlfriend props then go on with all the extracurriculars. i wont be such a measly coward, and id be in law. or maybe an architect if i were still a coward. id be a jerk perhaps.
who knows.
i just want to be a guy so that i can skip all the stupid girly stuff. i hate these stuff about girls. minsan, madalas, girls are just so fucking tanga. pacute kasi e. props.
i know i used to be a manhater before i met paolo. i realized that maybe i just hate them because i cant be like them. im a girl, fragile, weak and stupid. i strive to be strong, calm, powerful and straightforward. just like the men or some girls who found then man-ness and became powerful.
i just hate the weakness.
...
what's a girl?
"I just think of a man and remove all reason and accountability."
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
mr. bear isnt being given the proper amount of tlc recently. :( he doesnt smell naman, pero i think he's dusty na e.. and im scared. we have to have him dry cleaned soon.
...
24 hours a day is enough. i seriously dont know why i cant manage. maybe its because im online all day. like 5 hours a day... and that's minimal!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
the must do list
my dad's still bugging me about that cover layout thingy. its a big deal, actually. its just kind of annoying since ive donw the same thing on last year, complete with the blood, sweat and effort.. and all that creative juice overload was for nothing. i just completely wasted my time. now, how do you expect me to do anything for the same reason.
...
it's official. my saturdays are plates day! i have to limit saturday gimiks. i mean, why not diba? i have thursday and friday, plus i have sunday.
...damn i miss you na. i know ill just be less insane if you were hanging around with me more than this. i barely talk to you pa pag gabi because we're both just too tired to stir up any worthwhile conversation. more than that, pag tapos ko gawin lahat ng stuff i intend to do you're asleep na.
fucking insomnia. if i didnt have this id understand you better, wont i?
...
i almost forgot im a pro. yep im actually an officer. would you believe that!? people love and voted for the ever so anti-social macci. as in walang vote buying yan, though i might've stooped down to vote buying if the situation allowed for it, actually.
but then again, its been a week and ive been idle in terms of duty. yup yup, ive been slacking off like your typical couch potato.
stuff to do to remain a PRO and not get impeached!
1. save all blockmates number and confirm
2. ummmm somehow get irregular student mobile numbers (even if i probably wont be texting them since im a snob)
3. categorize the numbers by group: block regulars, irregulars, diligents, anime, blockada, blockada boys, blockada girls, ummm miscillaneous.
(i am sooo resisting the temptation to categorize people by "who will most likely succeed and whose help ill need when i grow up" and "never mind people.")
4. somehow figure out how the class pics will work
5. BE NICE! dont be plastic. if you cant talk with him or her jusst yet, just fucking shut up and try not to laugh at his/her face!
6. also get home numbers.
7. distinguish which assignments need announcement and which doesnt.
8. warn my mom about the sudden phone bill. with great power comes great spenditure.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
the beauty that counts daw.
inner beauty. where the fuck do i get to buy that?
i wish i were internally beautiful. ravishing. gorgeous. stunning. internally. busilak na kalooban at ginintuang puso! i want that extra oomph that some of us call "sexy-ng kalooban". its quite a laugh, when you think about it.
macci's tips on how to be beautiful:
1. stop being such a bitchy, spoiled snob.
2. quit thinking your hair's awful
3. be a nerd. do not cave in to peer pressure! that's hot.
4. wear red lipbalm a lot! less makeup, more lippy.
5. dont be pacute everr!!!
6. prioritize sleep and get (or atleast, attempt to) get 8 hours of it.
7. dont rub your eyebags
8. wear spf everyday
9. stop criticizing tooo much. (one step at a time. not too much, then gradually not at all!)
10. PR effect!! go go go! (not too much though lest you turn into a "chocoball")
...
i really do want to learn how to walk in high heels. high heels are the absolute instant makeover. a good heel is like a cosmetic surgery all on its own.
geno says i walk good, albeit the times i tend to drag my feet due to exhaustion. eeww. that's just so unclassy. i bet i was wobbly and all.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
its 9pm, and i bet i wont be sleeping before 3am tonight. stress, here we come!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
talo nanaman ako ni pao
im sick. sniff. because paolo's sick. there's an inevitable and rather mischievous relation between that. logic.
im drinking my favorite oolong tea with honey, a glass of water, lagundi tablets, and two doses of vitamin c.
...
paolo's block is the sweetest. they threw him a surprise "bash" if you can call it that, using me as a pawn. awww so sweeet!
...
stress is back. and so are the "will i make the cut" doubts.
...
reasons why i love paolo:
because he's nice, and sweet, and charming. he's got a cute nose. he's got pretty pretty eyes and very sweet yet sexy smelling sweat! he gives the loveliest hugs. he's got the most awesome muscles in the right places and in the right amount. he's funny and real and almost never annoying! he's well mannered, and smart, and responsible. he's always calm and composed. he likes spoiling me. he likes taking care of his little princess, me. he's fashionable in a simple boy next door with utmost class way. he endures me like no one else could. he taought me how to love completely and without hesitation. he made me less selfish and a whole lot prettier.
reasons why paolo loves me:
sabi niya he just does.
waaah. talo ko. how can you beat logic like that? no reason has ever been as invulnerable. ever.
happy birthday my lovely baby damulag! you're 19 and you must drive me everywhere!
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
