tonight was EXACTLY just like the old times, only eight or more years later. we get snubbed and dragged to the dimmer corner, where all less priviledged people are taken, because we are unworthy of anyone's attention.

to tell you the truth, the rest of the crowd was pretty normal. but their presence werent. it was scary, depressing, competitive and hopeless on our part. just like the old times.


it reminded me of the reasons why i was so relieved that we didnt have to go there REGULARLY on such glorious annual event anymore. aside from the fact that it was so boring and unpersonal, we were discriminated. the fucking bitches of my nightmare they are.



never, i say, NEVER in my whole CONSCIOUS LIFE have i ever thought of feeling this way. or rather feeling this way AGAIN. the feeling was so foreign yet painfully familiar.

maybe its just all in my head. im just an overcritical, and over-analyzing bitch who takes everything personally. oh goodness, get fucked. i am not stupid (or maybe just NOT ANYMORE).



i felt like i didnt belong. thats a grave understatement actually. i felt like a pauper, even if i knew i wasnt and am far from being one, even in comparison with them. i did feel like i didnt matter. i felt like i was getting the karma i deserve for making other people's life miserable, via or not the same manner.

im pretty sure they were the reason why my childhood sucked. i always complained abour it and i just pushed it in the back of my brain. but tonight pulled them all out and shoved them on my face. i am unworthy. there's always someone who will be better than i am, SO MUCH MORE prettier, MORE FASHIONABLE (CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!), and in dire amounts more pacute than i am.



ill get used to it. i feel like this a lot of time. being INTIMIDATED (that word should've floated paragraphs ago!). happens every first day of school or something. but then i get used to it and see them as less than goddesses.


.


on her bitchiness? i didnt expect that, to be honest. statistically, HER KIND most likely would be wandering around manila. there would be more of her. and id meet one sooner or later. ill just have to accept it and consider it as one of life's elements.



the feelings wearing off... thamk goodness.

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments

on deep and shallow stuff.. as usual

in a very weird way, im making college socially highschool. all the backstabbing, nitpicking, and social climbing. the only difference is everything's done inside one small circle of people which very much makes everything easier for the likes of yours truly.


the sisterhood of the be-ribboned school shoes
(copyright of KKK)


i know very well that im being mean. (NATURALLY, AS YOU ARE ALL AWARE OF BY NOW). ive hated a lot of people in the block, all having no VALID reason. none of them's really done anything cruel to me. heck, ive even spent some time knowing these people.

senior year did teach me to backstab and to function "plastic-ally". to think, ive spent my whole life before that despising pretentious people. then here i am, the hypocrite.

---


nica writes in this 3"x3" 100 leaf notebook about her feeling. uncensored. unfiltered. and dare i say, UNDILLUTED! just like my very own vanity.

i know im this diary-obsessed bitch who used to spend every moment of her life cooped up in her room to write. nothing of importance, just feelings. it's an "outlet". some people, take my dearest sister for example, need it. bottled up emotions are dangerous.

i dont know why i never write that way. unconscious of who might be reading. with no care of how id sound. even in really actually PERSONAL diaries, im still such a sick grammatical perfectionist.


---


i know that manolo blahnik definitely dont like her but i like 90's very own POSH SPICE!! mrs.beckham's sexy, even if her boobs are really fake. but she's fashionable and sexy and classy looking and pretty nonetheless.


from her new fashion book



paolo's gonna love her.

---

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments

obe of the most amazing quotes that struck me last year was one heard from 89.1 one weekday morning on my senior year.

"surround yourself with positive people".


the most positive people i know by the way are my very own paolo, sob's very tumtum, and pauline. haha. just wantd to credit these people for being rather wonderful.


...


I NEED TO START BEING QUITE AN ARTIST!

1. convince mom and dad to buy more artsyfartsy books
2. doodle a lot on my notebook

...


i feel that im getting nicer and all. that's such an improvement.

...

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments

superficiality and petty things. as always.

i need plum colored peep toe patent kitten heels ok? if that is ever possible. and my budget is .5kphp. found patent kitten heels, not very round toe, for .360kphp in sm makati BUT I DIDNT GET IT BECAUSE 'THAT' didnt go well with my skinny jeans. spent a thousand bucks on my sisters, including three pair of socks for my sisters yesterday.

i also need the 1.5k worth of patent cushiony bag with pretty gold lock from people are people(i dont know what they're quite called yet. HAHA!) and 1.2k worth of OVERSIZED (perfect!) cushiony brown patent bag from MUST-HAVE in glorietta.

i haven't bought any of those compulsary items and im already losing all my money, but i dont think i mind. i think i might actually start believing that im rich. which is quite pathetic since i live in this unimproving third-world district.

---

i want to so something fun with people right now. maybe a few hours singing with my friends in a karaoke bar, or drinking, bar-hopping. i dont know! i just really want to do something fun with MY FRIENDS. old ones or new ones, what does it matter! im a teenager! but fun mean SPENDING MONEY, believe it or not. and i no longer have those! but i do have nice clothes. i have so many clothes and not enough opportunity to show them off. yes, i am quite aware of how cocky a bitch i am, but id appreciate it if you just back off and let me be.

i know that im gradually turning into this insecure bimbo who suffers an almost incurable superiority complex and finds joy in judging AND degrading people. after further reflections, it is now safe to assume that this isnt doing me any good at all. sooner or later id be hating myself inconsiderably and clinging to superficiality to keep myself sane.


---

stpaul's year book 05-06 is taking so long to be released. FUCK THEM! EVERYONE'S ALREADY PAID 800PHP OR SO FOR THAT BUT PEOPLE NEVER GET THEIR OWN COPIES OF IT!

well, i dont really want to remember my batch or anything. i just really want to see what they said about me. :D

but i think i still would rather not have them anyhows. i know quite well that i look like a clown their.

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments

on unfortunate female tendencies and fear for the next four months.

to all girls typical. you have been through this temporary state, lets say an hour or so, spending a thousand pesos or more on a piece of clothing you happen to "like" or "like enough" impulsively infront of a reasonable mass of people as a way of claiming your worth or buying your way in, right? right. everyone has done so and it must be not be considered a dire faux pas, unseemly, unbecoming and especially not unlawful. and god damn it, im not pointing this out because ive this is what ive done earlier, ok!?? im just stating the fact that this is real and quite common and that someone else has done it today and its quite amusing.


ok. im a nice person. i'll shut up then.



damn, am i pretty!



school starts tomorrow, and i must say, the sem break, in regards with length, is just fine for me. three weeks, barely a month. its perfect. long enough for us to go check up on old friends (but i didnt though), meet new ones (i guess i did that a little), have a little party, read, blog, fix our rooms and our lives. but short enough for some of us to not forget how inhumane her course has been being. haha. just reminding myself what to expect.



here's next sem's sched: (not that any of the reader might find this in anyway interesting or useful.)


monday: 7-9 track. PE. start the week with some sweating and running around in short kinky shorts.

tues: 7-11 anatomy. 11-12 break (YAY!). 12-4 typography

wed: 7-10 fil (barf!). 10-1 english (just subj needed to forget the stuff learned earlier this day). 1-2 break (oooh.. though we wouldn't have one). 2-5 adprac (FINALLY! GETTING TO STUDY!)

thurs: now brace yourselves. this is excruciatingly shocking! 7-10 theology. 12-4 TDA (whatever that means). 4-7PM math! (good luck to us!)
yes, you got that right! 10 hours of school, excluding a 2 hour break at 10-12, which must supply us for the enct 7 hours.

fri: 7-11 PERS (whatever that is). 12-4 good ol DC (DESIGN AND COLOR).



so there you go boys and girls. next semester's list of subjects to make my life inhumane.

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments

11.02

i've been quite busy (in a very boring way) the past few days, finishing books and recreating blogs. see this: paolo's new blog layout. or the less impressive one which will never work.

i am currently reading "a great and terrible beauty". the book isnt as deep as i've expected, which makes it so easier for me to read.


before anything else i have to comment first on my INEXPLICABLY ANNOYING CHARACTERISTIC OF BEING IRREGARDLESS OF EXPENSIVE STUFFS' MAINTENANCE! or in other words, i am just burara. i dont know how to take care of things. my laptop is barely is just a half year old and the left hinge is so loose already. my cellphone, BARELY TWO MONTHS OLD is being accidentally dropped (or sometimes flung against a wall) on semi-regular basis.. lets say thrice a week. and the dkny and lancel bag are just being hauled around as if they were just like any bags. and my gold earrings (from my mom) are not seperated from the plastic or merely metal ones.

those are all the most expensive stuff i own and the most consideration ive shown for them are exhibited best when im not using them. that's the best care i can provide??? leaving them happily and safely alone.



so anyway. pao and i went out to the old coffee shop me and my highschool friends and the rest of the paulinian population usually hangs out at. tazzina. it brought back vague memories of... i cant think of anything. it brought out vague memories of nothing.


but we did get good pictures though.

pretty enough pics, and extremely hot, cute pictures of him I CAN NOT BELIEVE ITS TAKEN SO LONG FOR HIM TO PRESSURE ME TO LIKE HIM!!



^ cute pictures of US ^ we look fiesty. :D








see paolo's multiply for more details.

posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni | 0 comments