honestly (welcome 2008)
ive tried everything and im still unable to rip/convert/transfer dvd files to my ipod. ive tried everything. ive downloaded more or less eight executable programs, but to no avail. the only video i have in my ipod are the stupid ones from youtube. and we know that thats not what im looking for in the first place.
i am in love with my ipod. im not in love with music, i dont think i ever was. even if bonnie bailey makes me feel as if im on high, amy winehouse is my preacher, lily allen and mika are my friends.
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i do believe that im in my own body's national state of emergency. seriously. im getting gloomy. im getting to conscious of myself, of my environment. i hate this, being constantly on guard. as if im scared of an attack, or scared of unconsciously making an attack. often scared of making people hate me. offending anyone.
let's be honest. im feeling miserable. no two-thousand worth of songs from my ipod can save me, though i used to believe that it would. i mean the ipod would alianate me, even for just a moment, from the real real world.
i havent written any happy post for the longest time. im trying to change myself. its been a whole year. i often aim for that fucking change. and what do i get? my social skills are down to zero, i lost friends, i am no longer able to fix relationships that needs to be fixing.
fuck. save me.
everyone's feeling the same, i guess. alone. even people who's friends with everyone, people who're so nice that the world wont let them be alone, they feel alone too. pano pa kaya ako. i no longer make friends unlike the highschool macci who's got the guts and skill to make friends with whoever she wish.
ive changed a lot, haven't i. or maybe i havent. im still as much as a social loser as i was before.
im stressed. my skin is gray and has gone soo bad. my eyebags literally look like teabags. texture, hue and size -wise.
i dont know why im as miserable as i am today. maybe 2008 is gonna suck.
an awful lot of things happened in 2007. good things, bad things, lots of things. the half of the year was a verry good one. its actually the best. and im constantly fearing that that may be the best i could possibly get.
ever since that "law of attraction" bolalooey, ive stopped writing about the things i feared. i stopped writing about the bad things, hoping that i'll forget it. you know what i see now, people should look at the positive side of everything but there's no use in denying the negative.
look at yours truly: i focus on anything positive about myself, i acknowledge my faults more than often, but i never deny it. putangina, hindi ako ever nagpakasanto for anyone. even under the fucking social duress that ive been fucking getting, I KNOW MY FAULTS AND ADMIT IT.
and this, this is how i feel. how i honestly feel. and i feel very relieved to get it out of my system even if the outlet ive chosen lets the world see how much of a miser i am.
i try to live in the facade of a semi-perfect life. no one's perfect. and in those misfits we ought to find sense. yadayadayada. there imperfections none the less.
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p.s. my gawwwd people. dont take me to seriously.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
