this is boring drama bullshit. do not proceed.
i paint my life filling it with stuff i want. i collect people who makes my life pretty to look at. i surround myself with beautiful trinkets, and i aim endlessly to make everything perfect.
ive always known that life is never perfect. who doesnt?
pero its until kanina lng that i fully absorbed it.
when i look around my room, i cant believe how great it is. i mean, for me. oh hell with you readers. i used not to have anything when i was around 4 or 5. my room was made of wood, everything creaks, i had a bed and a lamp. that's everything. i didnt have class, a nice haircut, good english, any friends, magziness, dozens and dozens of bags, designer anything. all i had was that empty room and myself. i dont think i used to mind it. i mean, why would i? i didnt need anything else. nothing need to be beautiful.
and the older i grow, the more i wanted stuff. the thing is, i get what i want. no use denying it. i didnt have anything before because i didnt really ask (plus the fact that we probably couldnt afford it back then). now i get what i want. i just need to do a little manipulating, begging, bargaining and i get it. whatever it is.
i appreciate the aesthetics of it. this is why im an artist probably. because i want everything to be beautiful. everything. surrounding, aura, self, stuff, and the story. all has got to be pretty. everything must have a touch of taste. and i guess i am good at it.
me, the pretetious little spoiled bossy bitch who often gets her way.
the painting is beautiful.
im enjoying everything immensly.
pero, walang depth.
this is why i love paolo. he reminds me what depth is. and more than usually, he reminds me of what's really important. i dont think the important stuff need to be pretty. they're just lovely in themselves. whatever they are.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
