just like the old times
tonight was EXACTLY just like the old times, only eight or more years later. we get snubbed and dragged to the dimmer corner, where all less priviledged people are taken, because we are unworthy of anyone's attention.
to tell you the truth, the rest of the crowd was pretty normal. but their presence werent. it was scary, depressing, competitive and hopeless on our part. just like the old times.
it reminded me of the reasons why i was so relieved that we didnt have to go there REGULARLY on such glorious annual event anymore. aside from the fact that it was so boring and unpersonal, we were discriminated. the fucking bitches of my nightmare they are.
never, i say, NEVER in my whole CONSCIOUS LIFE have i ever thought of feeling this way. or rather feeling this way AGAIN. the feeling was so foreign yet painfully familiar.
maybe its just all in my head. im just an overcritical, and over-analyzing bitch who takes everything personally. oh goodness, get fucked. i am not stupid (or maybe just NOT ANYMORE).
i felt like i didnt belong. thats a grave understatement actually. i felt like a pauper, even if i knew i wasnt and am far from being one, even in comparison with them. i did feel like i didnt matter. i felt like i was getting the karma i deserve for making other people's life miserable, via or not the same manner.
im pretty sure they were the reason why my childhood sucked. i always complained abour it and i just pushed it in the back of my brain. but tonight pulled them all out and shoved them on my face. i am unworthy. there's always someone who will be better than i am, SO MUCH MORE prettier, MORE FASHIONABLE (CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!), and in dire amounts more pacute than i am.
ill get used to it. i feel like this a lot of time. being INTIMIDATED (that word should've floated paragraphs ago!). happens every first day of school or something. but then i get used to it and see them as less than goddesses.
.
on her bitchiness? i didnt expect that, to be honest. statistically, HER KIND most likely would be wandering around manila. there would be more of her. and id meet one sooner or later. ill just have to accept it and consider it as one of life's elements.
the feelings wearing off... thamk goodness.
posted by the irresistably conceited Jenni |
